McMaster authorities received multiple reports last month claiming that Wyman O’Bell, a second-year BHSc student, had gone missing. “My son hasn’t called me in days. I deserve to know if he’s safe!” exclaimed the student’s teary-eyed mother in an exclusive Procrastinator interview last week: “Why isn’t the university doing more?!”
O’Bell’s Cell Biology group expressed similar disappointments with the university’s efforts on the case in a press-conference statement: “Symposium day is coming up, and Wyman’s nowhere to be seen! Nobody else has Zotero installed, and we can’t 12 the course without Vancouver citations.” Other concerns were raised about the fact that the group’s peer tutor had been sitting outside their meeting room for days, refusing to begin the group process meeting until Wyman was present.
Extensive search efforts finally yielded fruit when O’Bell was finally located in the HSC Anatomy Lab. He was reportedly discovered grasping a lung specimen, muttering “where do the rings end… where do the plates begin…”, and had apparently eaten some of his clothes, despite the lab’s strict no food policy. When asked how long he had been hiding there, O’Bell stated only that he had been preparing for the 2FF3 anatomy exam for “3/5 of an ovarian cycle.”
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