The newly announced Integrated Biomedical Engineering and Health Sciences program has been making waves for pushing the limits of pedagogical innovation, leading academics to completely rethink how many characters can be non-ironically fit within a program name.
However, the prospect of welcoming a novel program has led to rising tensions amongst the BHScs. Many students reportedly believe that the iBiomeds are in fact just students in the BHSc Biomed specialization. “They think that the ‘i’ will throw everyone off,” said one iBiomed denier: “But those tryhard weirdoes can’t fool me. I took critical appraisal.”
Others remain suspicious that the program is just a front for shady collusions between the Health Sciences and Engineering departments. “You can’t trust those manipulative b@stards,” remarked one BHSS official: “They know math and sh*t, and that ain’t right.” Speculations abound that the new cohort may in fact be the first step towards a frankensteinian Eng/BHSc amalgamation. Though students and faculty universally agreed that this would make excellent fanfic material, one cannot help but question whether the deans might be playing at machinations not meant for mortal minds. When asked whether the program had exchanged any “favours” in the lead-up to the iBiomed launch, BHSc administrators simply whispered “the two shall become one,” staring into the far distance until our reporters departed.
The elusive nature of the iBiomeds has led to several questionable allegations, including suggestions that they can “speak to cars”, “perform horizontal gene transfer” and “do inquiry without group process”. Harrowing rumours circulate about depraved study rituals involving “both blood and motor oil”. Despite the varied and sometimes absurd controversies surrounding the fledgeling program, many students seemed dejected to learn that the new iBiomeds will not be available at the Apple Store.
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The Procrastinator 