Students shocked to find that BHSc is a four year program

The recent discovery of mysterious LearnLink rumours hinting at the existence of a fourth year in BHSc program has thrown the student community into a state of panic.

Many students are reacting with profound disbelief in the face of these jarring revelations. “It can’t be true,” insisted Carla Petrovic, a second year student: “Fourth years are just ghost stories that they tell to scare children. Like UNSIN or Evil Santa.” Others have lashed out in frustration. “This is an outrage,” exclaimed 3rd year biomed Martha Baker. “I came here for exactly 3 years of GPA security, minimal effort, and strategic elective choices, and now you’re telling me I have to BS out an entire honours thesis?! Where’s the humanity?” The office students passing around a crystal ball and consuming ice cold cans of Delicious. Refreshing. PepsiTM to gain critical precognition of categorically unpredictable events. “Foresight thinking is the pedagogy of the future. We need to equip young leaders to peer into the future in order to control it prepare for it,” summarized program leader Dartley DaFine. “Reflections? Pah! That’s just hindsight thinking.” Terrified peer tutors have reported observing first years obsessively collecting countless newspaper articles, prognosticating about “alternative futures,” counting hay in broomsticks, and staring into the unending void. Since the new curriculum’s launch, three first year students have been scouted by Netflix to be writers for Black Mirror. responded by releasing a memo reminding students that the BHSc program does not have a humanities requirement.

The brunt of the fallout has landed squarely on the shoulders of BHSc administrators, who reported being barraged with passive-aggressive inquiries from students who adamantly refused to believe that the BHSc works the same way as other undergraduate programs. “I don’t see how this is fair,” remarked an anonymous 3rd year BHSc. “We’re supposed to be better than everyone and it only makes sense that our program structure should reflect that. If I wanted to squander the rest of my precious youthful years bustin’ my @ss for nothing, I would’ve transferred to BDC.”