SWOLEWOLF Is Pissed

The long suffering Students WhO LivE West Of Lower Forsyth (SWOLEWOLF) have finally broken their silence over the daily abuse they experience at the hands of the McMaster Children’s Hospital.

This past week, the SWOLEWOLF alliance has finally come forward to shed some light on their ceaseless torment — a hidden plague which has affected our innocent students, yet which is still unknown to many: the Hospital Pee.

Indeed, The Procrastinator has finally agreed to address this terrible, secret torture which has gone on entirely too long. This disgusting warm liquid which rains down from above, showering passing victims at the Forsyth bus stop at all times of the day.

One is never prepared for the attack of this foul

rain, and often it drops into the eyes and hair of innocent SWOLEWOLF who are just trying to get an education. Why are these students being attacked? Why are they being targeted with this unknown fluid? All we know is that the Hospital Pee onslaught is a terrible crime against our own, and the SWOLEWOLF will stand for it no longer. They demand answers.

Spokesperson for the SWOLEWOLF Alliance, Golden Rain, told Procrastinator reporters, “In the past we have remained silent as we were subjected to the Hospital Pee — Hell, I even know a guy who brings an umbrella to school every day just to avoid it— but enough is enough. We will not accept this treatment any longer.”

It seems many McMaster students have spent their academic careers blind to such inhumane degradation occurring on their own campus.

“I’ve never heard of it,” claimed Ar-kelly Street resident Casey Spritz, “I have literally no clue what pee you’re talking about.”

Such responses are all too commonly heard according to Ms. Rain; they claim that students who reside east of Forsyth are often uneducated on the subject of the Hospital Pee, and know little about the struggle of the SWOLEWOLF community.

Procrastinator reporters have approached the McMaster Children’s Hospital admin, but they declined to comment.

We may never know the real reason for the Hospital Pee, but what we do know is that for our friends at SWOLEWOLF, their voices are now heard. As for the mystery of Forsyth’s hospital pee, this case will remain…. unsolved.