BHSS President Declares War on Poor People In Economic Cleansing Initiative

Now that Justin Trudaddy has secured the bag once again, we can finally focus on the more important government in our lives: the BHSS. The Procrastinator sat down for an exclusive interview with the BHSS President to discuss student politics and what he hopes to accomplish this year.

The Procrastinator: What vision do you have for the BHSS for this year?

BHSS President: I want to make the BHSS into the strongest student government on campus. The MSU has a multimillion-dollar budget – why don’t we have that? Because hundreds of our third years defect from our program every year, they don’t pay our fees anymore. I intend to stop that this year. I’m going to tell all the medical school deans about the anatomy mark boost; that will keep the third years here for a fourth year and still paying our student fees.

TP: It seems like finance is an important concern for you. Given how much money BHSS lost last year, how are you going to maintain fiscal responsibility in the BHSS?

Pres: Our biggest success last year was Hairy-Carnage because the organizers put their own money into it, so on paper we made a great profit. This year, I’m going to expect every BHSS executive to personally donate $10,000 to the BHSS. Our profits will go way up. I’m also going to amend the Constitution so that only students with rich parents can run for a BHSS position. We’ll never lose money on an event ever again. I’m surprised no one’s ever thought of it.

TP: Lastly, how do you see yourself communicating with the student population this year, given that no meeting minutes were written or posted last year?

Pres: Every BHSS meeting will be live tweeted by me. I alone in my unmatched wisdom can communicate effectively with my people – not the failing Meducator, which by the way is a very biased publication, always talking about “facts” and “science.” I have my unparalleled intellect to make decisions.

TP: Mr. President, thank you for your time today.

Pres: No, thank you, I’m always pleased to speak to the only non-fake news publication on campus.