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The ProcrasTEENator

The front cover of the most sensational, award-winning news publication: The ProcrasTEENator. Idol group B(hsc)TS strikes an effortlessly flawless pose in the middle. Their caption? "BHScTS: THE MOST DYNAMITE CELLBIDOL GROUP TELLS ALL... PLUS: guide on MDCL waterfall pics." Placed at the knee region of the group's Centre, Chames Jarles, is a heart-shaped text box that reads: "Cuffing Szn: How to Use the 7 Ps to Get a Girl (to do your CASPER)" On the left is Michelle, our InDesign oracle, frowning with her eyes glazed over. "This wasted so much of my time..." says the bright yellow speech bubble coming from her mouth. Caption beneath her is: Why did she leave? LEAKED GROUP EVALS give us the real story!" Underneath Michelle is Oliver, meme extraordinaire, and our all-powerful editor-in-chief, Nicole, striking a pose with their neon coloured crocs. The captions: 2020 STYLEWATCH + Win exclusive healthsci charm for your croc! To the right of STYLEWATCH is Olivia, queen of administrative duties and dealing with companies that misprint our issues. She is striking a sensational pose with her eyes closed, the pain of reminiscence in her eyes. The caption to her right says, "Olivia's BIGGEST career regrets: 'I stayed up for health pol!'" Underneath her, next to a garbage can, another caption reads: "10 Reason Why Class of 2021 is Most Waste + Best grade curves in BHscistory" Last but not least, at the top, is a pap photo of an elusive celebrity couple in the BHSc faculty. The caption reads, "KARRI AND WIFE SPLIT" and in smaller text: "Their Anniversary Dinner." Most importantly, at the top of the cover is a running banner that says, "SUBSCRIBE FOR THE LATEST BHSCOOP AT BHSCPROCRASTINATOR.COM" and indeed, you should really hit the subscribe button.

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Published by The Procrastinator

The Procrastinator is a satire/comic publication for McMaster Health Sciences students, by McMaster Health Sciences students, plus some new non-BHSc friends to keep us in check because someone needs to. We provide satirical commentary on the cultures and norms of our community. We are not The Meducator.

Categories Issue 10, Winter 2019

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