With winter quickly approaching, skin is getting scalier faster than the snakes in your biochem group. So how do we, at the ProcrasTEENator, keep our skin clear and our lips luscious? Well most of us have yet to figure that out, but we did manage to convince one of our reporters, Chames Jarles, to share their beauty secrets with us.
On her everyday makeup look:
Chames: I don’t really believe in wearing makeup on a daily basis, since I think all humans look best in our most natural form. What really matters is what’s on the inside, except for when I’m trying to get bonus Timbits from Tim’s.
On keeping her skin soft in the winter:
Chames: I like to bathe in cow’s milk once every fortnight at dusk. The feeling of triglycerides penetrating my skin is so rejuvenating, and I love reusing the milk after to bake cookies! It only took a few chemical burns and thousands of dollars spent on shady imports but I am grateful that I have finally found a Holy Grail solution I can rely on. Another benefit of my bath is the weight I lose from my body’s natural reaction to accidentally swallowing the milk, since I’m lactose-intolerant. I think it is truly awe-inspiring that my body and nature’s produce work together in such harmony – Mother Nature really wants me to remain a skinny queen!
On her lack of eye bags:
Chames: Once a year, I go out into the Ainslie Woods with a young animal and an old book I found in a kitchen cupboard of my student house. After sacrificing the animal, I take its blood while reading from page –
The interview was abruptly cut short by an HSL librarian barging into the study room, saying she caught our club meeting red-handed. Chames Jarles was never seen again, but their roommate says their bathroom smells like spoiled milk once every fortnight.
Spiciness Rating:
The Procrastinator 