MONDAY – The McMaster Furry Society released a public statement last Friday condemning the new live-action “Cats” movie. In a press release, President Tony Nighttiger publicly distanced him and his club from the movie, stating, “This movie is absolutely not representative of what furry culture is and stands for. These anthropomorphic CGI abominations are as far away from what we, as a society, have collectively achieved in the last 2,000 years as possible and should absolutely not be thought of as what furries like, enjoy, believe in or even come close to.”
“Furries want something that they can [redacted],” states an anonymous member of the aforementioned on-campus organization, wearing a bright blue fox’s head over their own. “The characters in the movie are sexy, but they’re also still… cats. It’s like wanting to [redacted] your housepet.”
This sentiment has been further echoed by the majority of the movie-going population. First Year Health Sciences students, for example, have recently started a petition to boycott the movie, in hopes that it will help them with their NOCATs. The Anatomy Department has also begun experimenting with a Cats-based series of lectures, asking students to point out what is “anatomically incorrect” about Jason Derulo in the movie. When questioned, however, the department denied any involvement, stating that they were against “cruel and unusual forms of torture.”
The Procrastinator vehemently denies any involvement or connection with the McMaster Furry Society, despite many of our recruitment questions having to do with furries, fursonas, fursuits and the upcoming live-action Sonic the Hedgehog movie.
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The Procrastinator 