HAMILTON – The editorial team of McMaster’s award-winning medical news publication The Procrastinator responded to critics of Issue eleven’s love letter for Sonic the Hedgehog, by claiming dissidents were confusing anger with burning lust.
“It is to our great dismay that there has been backlash against our recent work, Ovid, The Metamorphoses. Book 16, Lines 14-53. Our office has received several complaints about the explicit descriptions of Sonic’s succulent bosom and delicate paws in particular,” the editor-in-chief of The Procrastinator, Penni, solemnly stated at a press conference held in the HSC Cafeteria last Friday.
The team was particularly surprised when a disgruntled alumnus confronted them about their overuse of sexual humour. “Our team wants to reassure the general public that we have heard your pleas to refrain from defaulting to sex jokes after bleeding anatomy dry,” stated the team’s Head of PR, Charah Pluckabee. The team wiped a single, crystal- like tear from their eyes in unison when a bell suddenly chimed. Upper-years began to run away in a flurry of black and navy to make it to back-to-back interviews at MDCL, Stanford, and Hogwarts. However, to the perplexity of The Procrastinator staff, one person dressed in a bright azure suit ran with a swift-footed grace unlike any other. He turned around and winked with one single emerald eye, before disappearing into a crowd of sweaty pre-meds.
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The Procrastinator 