Have you finally gotten sick of the endless mantras on ‘perspective-taking’ and positive mindset? Not to worry! Here’s a fresh new list of distractions for when slither.io just isn’t cutting it anymore.
Text your ex
This two-hour lecture about my core values really had me reflecting on how I didn’t value you enough. My biggest ‘take-home lesson’ is that I miss taking you home with me. I hope this text/moment of insight allows you to meaningfully reflect on how I feel about us. Tell your mom I said hi.
Start a podcast:
What do an anxious pre-med, a third-time peer tutor and one of the three men in the entire faculty of Health Sciences have in common? Who cares?! Find out by starting a podcast together; you may end up exploring pressing issues like “waterloo eng son or mac health sci daughter lol” or what it really means to be a high value Child Health student.
Practice your performative activism:
Every performance needs to be rehearsed before the real deal. Why not try out some new chakra-aligning exercises before posting an Instagram story about the commodification of spiritual practices? Don’t be afraid to unleash your inner Gwenyth Paltrow! Maybe the meditation yoga will help you think of some new font ideas *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧.
Read Marx
I’ve heard that this Karl Marx guy had a lot to say about ‘Praxis’ back in his time. Maybe I can figure out what I’m supposed to be doing in 1X01 by picking up Das Kapital. It would be available at the campus store, but unfortunately, McMaster University only wants its dignified students to engage in critical thought to an extent.
The rest of this article is unavailable as the author cannot be located anymore for undisclosed reasons.
The Procrastinator 