While all eyes in fair Hamlerton are on the (insert scandal here) scandal, a young saucy fellow hast made quite the name for himself. He hast managed to enter the minds, hearts, and pants of many young ladies in the kingdom.
Dearest readers,
Tis I, Lady Whistledownbad, and I sense the town buzzing with the most delicious, jaw dropping, gasping-out-loud, sickening, and sister scandalous gossip. There hast been whispers of a not-so-young character, Juiat Bulany, infiltrating my fellow lady comrades and complicating their lives with male ego, narcissistic tendencies, and misogyny. Although he does not know me, I know everything about him, and, trust me, I hast never seen a more unpleasant sight.
Juiat’s pretentious lectures are filled with guessing iBio’s iBMIs and forcefully ramming his ‘awards’ and ‘papers’ down student’s throats. I hypothesize Juiat’s unprofessional behavior and ugly personality hast been caused by feelings of rejection and resentment towards certain unnamed medical institutions that choose his past female students over himself. Ignorance and arrogance combine to form a deadly solution that cannot be stopped due to his high profile research. Ladies and gentlemen, we must stand strong and retaliate against the parasite penetrating our pants; fear not, with enough volume, we shall overthrow and create a healthier environment for us all!
Lady W out
The Procrastinator 