Well folks, with the end of cuffing season finally in sight, we’ve all undoubtedly had to bear witness to the animalistic mating rituals of the Engi-meerkats, the Comm-odo Dragons, the Nursing Sharks, the Kin-garoos and the Life Sciamese cats. But there is another ritual of sexual selection ramping up this time of the year that may perhaps be the least subtle of them all – the dance of the BHSsea lions. A period of desperate courtship centred around a few essential discussion starters including (but not limited to) complaints about the CRAP assignment, spontaneous anatomy studying, and savagely flaming one’s Inquiry class.
For many individuals, this may well be their first season banished from the family territory and participating in a frenzied competition for a fit mate with whom they will eventually pass along their legacy BHSsea DNA. For others, this is not their first rodeo, but are nonetheless eager to put on a grandiose display of strength and stamina after a long three-years in the desolate online mating pool. McMaster’s particular subspecies of the BHSsea lion tend towards a subtler mating dance unlike, for example, the elaborate performances of the Engi-meerkats. However, in a colony as small as McMaster’s, new pairings do not go unnoticed. In fact, unofficial preliminary data – whilst not yet published – has consistently shown that at this stage in the cuffing season, the sheer level of pheromones confined to one small lecture hall in HSC has been shown to elicit crazed responses from the horny, inexperienced cuffers. Some have been driven to the point of performing public displays of affection in the very front row of the auditorium, mere metres from the withering stare of a certain colony elder. Alternatively, shyer mating pairs make eager use of the couches in the BHSc lounge, which provide a soft, intimate space perfect for a future rookery.
Regardless of the couple’s amorous preferences, this annual “pheromone boom” is being described as the phenomenon of the scent-ury and, most interestingly, researchers estimate that this yearly event may represent only the tip of the iceberg of all there is to know about this curious species.
The Procrastinator 