(If you’re not a boy, just skip to the next article.)
Are you tired of introducing yourself as just a health sci? Want your peers and teachers fawning over you for doing the bare minimum? What better way to create community than by being a part of an exclusive group with a cool name? Fear not, The Procrastinator has compiled a WikiHow article that you, yes you, can master to become a bicep boy!
Step 1: Skip your soft courses.
Conversations on social injustices? Reflecting on personal growth? Easy workload? Immediately no. Dismiss their value with a roll of your eyes and an exasperated sigh. So what if they teach skills like how to navigate difficult conversations and reflecting on your shortcomings (how many times does someone need to make an audit canvas anyways?). It’s not a “real” course and you’re paying good money for your education – so you should be challenged. And these courses just aren’t giving.
Step 2: Bring up your extracurricular and work experience.
You never know if your next supervisor is listening in on your mundane conversations just around the corner so make sure to regurgitate your resume to anyone who will listen. From wet labs to dry labs to your labrador retriever – just mention as much as you can. And whenever someone mentions an achievement, be sure to one-up them with one that’s more impressive; it takes a lot of effort to be you, juggling all those clubs, organizations, sports teams all at once. Whew!
Step 3: Master the lingo.
Language is more than just the composition of words, it’s an art form. Take a page out of all the great TED-talkers and use convoluted phrases and unnecessary jargon to make your point. Communication is key so make sure to take a minimum of five minutes to get your point across to show off your vocabulary, especially in class. Oh — and don’t forget to talk over and interrupt people because sometimes it can be hard to get your ideas heard.
Step 4: Literally, just do the bare minimum.
(Women love that).
Step 5: Working hard, or hardly working? Who cares!
Your time is important so make sure it’s well spent going to weekly Wednesday night dinners with the homies. Life is too short to stress over little things, so set those priorities straight and slack off on that Inquiry project due next morning. At dinner, make sure to eat meat. LOTS of it. Because real men don’t eat salads. And if you’re out of conversation ideas, just default to talking about how much you bench –it’s a bro thing, so just go with it.
The Procrastinator 