As we all know, the world’s economy is in a seriously suspiciously bad state, also known as [insert econ term here – hey, if you wanted proper vocab you shouldn’t’ve come to a health sci writing about the economy]. Basically, all I know is that the price of eggs was lowered by the Taylor Swift society, gas is expensive (unless it comes in the form of farts cuz those are free), and the BHSc department is not giving us all the money we want?!?!!??!? Like hello???? I can live without eggs and I don’t have a car because #I’mBrokeAndDontWantToPayForParkingLotM but I simply cannot and will not live without the unlimited budget allocated to the prestigious Bachelor of Health Sciences (Honours) Program (aka McMaster’s pride and joy).
The decrease in funding has caused an even more dire consequence: the BHSc Fashion Show has no money. World famous models came from around the Hamilton Metropolitan Area to strut their stuff in this momentous event and they were not given the 5 star treatment they deserved. Many angry r/Mcmaster posts were left. One such individual writes: “I would have given my left lung AND my chance to enter the cell bio lottery to be a model in the fashion show and I am outraged, OUTRAGED to hear about this inhumane treatment.”
Numerous conspiracy theories have risen, with many saying the money is actually, wait for it…… BEING RELOCATED. Duhn duhn duhnnnnn….!!! Where you may ask? It is rumored that university presidents make a whopping 600k. Not super sure what they do with all that money, but they clearly don’t invest in healthy and nutritious campus meals. We in the Health Sciences (Honours) program believe in being modest, and as such, BHSc deans are underpaid, making a measly 200k a year. Truly a humbling experience for all parties involved.
Do with this information whatever your little heart pleases, but I will be a boring old fart and put all my eggs in one basket to become some sort of mysterious dean that never comes out of hibernation. Preferably not Dean Forester because I’m team Jess all the way and anyone that says otherwise needs to: a) rewatch Gilmore Girls, b) consider therapy, and c) Jess gave Rory his books, which in my books is the highest honour ever.
The Procrastinator 