McMaster students have to brave many conflicts over their 4 years (or 3, if you sweat hard enough). From trying to sabotage the springtime 2K03/2E03 lottery to fighting your demons as you down your mystery meat from Centro, no battle compares to the ones waged in Parking Lot M. If you’re lucky enough to find a spot that isn’t relegated to the seventh level of hell, you have to face the challenge of actually parking between the lines, getting ticketed for simply breathing, and the threat of deafness as people with tricked-out supercars arrive for their 8:30 introductory chem lectures. Many suspect that the McMaster Taylor Swift Society is once again responsible for the decrepit nature of the parking situation in Lot M. Alas, students have found ways to cleverly circumvent the parking system at McMaster to park in the coveted Lot B in the center of campus, and The Procrastinator is quite frankly appalled (and mostly impressed).
While we here at The Procrastinator don’t condone the abuse of McMaster’s own faulty system against itself, we have outlined how these students have accomplished these parking heists for educational purposes.
1. Drive up to your intended parking lot and take a ticket so that the gate opens. Don’t worry, McMaster won’t have your precious $8 until you leave the lot!
2. Park in your desired spot. The further away from authorities, the better.
3. Take your transponder with you from your car and keep it with your priceless Inquiry notebook in your bag.
4. Leave your car confidently as you embark on your day knowing you saved 5 minutes of walking time from parking in Lot B.
5. Return to your car after interzone hours have taken effect (4 PM EDT).
6. As you are walking back to your car, make sure you walk close to the parking gate. If it mysteriously opens, then don’t fret– it’s just your transponder in your bag working its magic.
7. After re-affixing your transponder to your windshield, approach the exit gate and watch as David Fairer blesses you with upgraded parking.
8. Leave with the satisfaction of knowing that you outsmarted the man and can park in any lot that you like!*
* These steps may not work for certain pre-meds, as they probably have a hospital parking pass from their very unique hospital volunteering position
Once again, The Procrastinator does not condone following these steps to accomplish these parking heists, but it has been reported that following these steps works (no really, try it out, we encourage it).
Expugnabimus munus raedam prima luce duodecimus Aprilis.
The Procrastinator 