Stache Nachos is a name revered by all in BHSc, providing a sense of guidance and safety in the BHSc General Teams Channel, like a warm cup of tea from an adoring mother served with love. They are a beacon of hope in the dark—someone we all turn to in times of trouble to remind us of how many opportunities are rapidly passing us by as we flounder around in anatomical terminology and rubricless presentations.
But who, or what, lies behind this infamous name? The speculations cannot be tamed – the students want to know, and they want to know now.
With a name like Stache, one cannot help but envision the universal moustache-sporting face of anonymity, or a taco-loving cartoon sidekick. Various hypotheses have arisen regarding their appearance and pronouns. However, a new conspiracy has spread like wildfire amongst the ranks: Stache is not, in fact, human at all. What else could explain their response time of less than two seconds, and their availability late into the wee hours of the night? One student even reported that when they wrote “I hope you are doing well” in an email to Stache, they responded with “I’m just a computer program, so I don’t have feelings, but I’m here to help you with any questions or information you need.”
However, just this month during a Zoom meeting, Stache Nachos was revealed to be…a man? A living, breathing man, with two eyes, two nostrils, and… fingers? Students couldn’t help but notice that some things were off. A student present during the meeting described his smile as “terrifying… like, way too wide, dawg.”
This glitch only fueled skepticism amongst the cohort, who have devised multiple theories on the matter. Some say that this is the ultimate test of first-year Inquiry: if Inquiry is what you make of it, can the same be said for Stache Nachos? Surely the student body cannot be blamed for their suspicion after catching a glimpse into the (Decision) Matrix.
Others say that Stache’s face reveal was done as a cover-up by the BHSc office in response to the circulating rumours — one can only imagine the controversy of using an AI when students are paying $7000/year for tuition. Perhaps the BHSc office is using AI to cut down on costs so they can buy…more Kritik subscriptions? While our internal sources at The Procrastinator have yet to uncover the true nature of Stache’s existence, students across BHSc are eager to find out.
The Procrastinator 