Let me set the scene. You’ve just survived all the joys of being a first year BHSc student: Cell Bio and TLP Assignments and 0% percentage yield during copper labs. Summer flies by and before you know it, it’s time to pay your second year tuition. To be able to even step foot on McMaster grounds, you’ve worked your gluteus maximus off all summer: sold your sister to get Eras tour tickets, started a jewelry business, robbed a corner convenience store, and became a verified creator on ilovefeet.com. You definitely have this in the bag, that is until you see the total amount. [insert jaw dropping gif here] There is no way you’ll be able to afford going to school AND buying an iced, Ristretto, 10 shot, venti, 5 pump vanilla, 7 pump caramel, poured, not shaken Stabucks drink every morning. But not to worry, after one year of inquiry, you’ve *silently* mastered 1 of the 7 P’s: problem solving. You buckle up your pants, tighten your belt, roll up the bottom hem, snap your suspenders, and get to work. After some serious hustling finding a sugar daddy at the Chechoke Golf Club, you’ve done it, you’ve really done it! You have enough money to be able to live a relatively comfortable life as long as you only eat cheese, crackers, and protein bars, take showers at The Pulse, and steal stationeries from the BHSc office.
Fast forward to two months in second year; praxis has attendance now 😢, you’ve come to realise the human body has too many muscles, and the city of Hamilton no longer has public transportation. You’re crying in the bathroom in the basement of Thode when you get THE email: “Invitation to join Praxis Plan of Action 23-24”. You are being forced to pay 20$ to read some third year’s 6 month plan on how to become a gym bro and pretend you care about it.
How are you going to get out of this mess? You put on your headphones, press shuffle, and wallow in your sadness, when all of the sudden a goddess whispers the solution in your ear. “It’s time to think about jumping off of very tall somethings just to see [Jemmifer Watericho] come running and say the one thing [you’ve] been wanting”: I have a code for you (Is It Over Now?, Taylor Swift).
I have a confession to make…This is my story. It’s time to tell my truth. Send your applications to the.meducator@gmail.com 😉
The Procrastinator 