[scene begins with a close up of Tymothi’s face, a tear streak slowly falls down his cheek, and he dramatically sighs]
TYMOTHI: I’m sitting quietly on the cold GO bus, listening to this underground rock band you’ve never heard of before, The Victorious Cast, sadly staring out the window, watching trees go by. Trees, trees, trees, bush, trees, nothing, bush, nothing, nothing… I have nothing in my head and nothing in my heart. My one true love, Steffaknee, doesn’t even know I exist (even though I sit across from her in our stats tutorial). I can’t take the nothingness anymore so I open Instagram to check if @macs.tea has posted another love confession when I see Steffaknee’s profile floating at the top of my screen. She posted something on her story! I cannot believe my luck – she knew I was filled with despair and posted something. It’s a love poem; could it be about me?!?!?!?!? I frantically read elegant words alluding to unrequited love, hidden hope, and a secret passion. I just know it’s about me.
I love her round green orbs too much to let this opportunity pass. I desperately type up my response: “not 2 fret my dear steff, i c ur sign and u must know that i feel the same way; i have been in love with u ever since u got cold called in cell bio. i saw ur beautiful figure trembling to answer y histamine was being released and i knew you were the 1 4 me ❤ love you always, Tymothi”.
[Tymothi closes his phone and looks out the window with a hopeful expression on his face]
THE NARRATOR (to be read in a Morgan Freeman voice): A day goes by and Tymothi finally gets a response from his beloved Steffaknee. She is flattered, however, unfortunately for Tymothi, her flattery comes armed with a knife; she doesn’t know who Tymothi is and wrote the poem for her Praxis buddy, Chadlyngton. Tymothi is filled with blind rage and begins to plan his revenge. He shows up to her Praxis tutorial in BSB with a bottle of ethanol and some heart shaped matches.
[fire alarms and fire trucks are heard in the distance]
TYMOTHI: If I can’t have her, nobody will…
The Procrastinator 