HHSP Faculty Night 2025 To Take Place In Various Communal Residence Washrooms Across Campus Following Major Budget Cuts

You thought the Hub was bad, Wolfpack? The nightmare has only begun. The Faculty of Health Sciences has just announced that Welcome Week 2025 is set to feature a rotational MMI-style Faculty Night, with stations including the basement cleaning closet of Kenneth Taylor Hall, that random storage room in the BHSc Lounge, and the third-floor washrooms of Woodstock Residence. After all, what could better embody our tenets of Interprofessional Collaboration & Commitment to Community than re-experiencing the horrors of communal defecation and fist-fighting groups of varsity bros for the pool table at midnight? 

Now, we know that these changes may pose a rough adjustment period, but we at The Procrastinator urge you to give it a chance. 

The MUSC Nap Lounge will be transformed into a FNAF-themed Sleepy Hollow^TM to ensure inclusion of all the sleepy baddies in attendance. Do you know what FNAF means? The faculty sure don’t – but it sounds a lot like BKTY.

Whether you still haven’t found anyone to latch onto, or you’re just looking for a quiet space to do some lowkey peer-on-peer bonding at the end of the night, the Final Destination Station^TM has you covered. The Faculty has voted on voting to vote to omit any and all competitive aspects of Faculty Night – including the board games room – that may function to amplify the harmfully misleading stereotype that we are a dog-eat-dog program. Instead, this final group interview will end the event with a bang, giving students the rich opportunity to ultimately prove their social and intellectual worth while workshopping valuable interpersonal skills such as garnering popularity votes.

To top things off, the admin office will be hosting a fundraising raffle on site to help pay back the massive debt accrued from giving out free Kritik access codes to insufferable cheapskate students. One lucky winner will be drawn to win a WolfPack^TM [exact replica of the 2025 CMA backpack]. 

Still looking for another reason to secure your tickets? They’ll be taking attendance if you don’t.