Welcome to Hamilton, Santa!
One might think he wanted to bring joy to the McMaster Children’s Hospital, but no— Old Saint Nick was actually planning to skip the city altogether. Crunk off that eggnog, he unintendedly crash-landed into McMaster University’s North Quad at 4:00 PM EST.
A group of first-year BHSP students (braving the marathon from the Health Sciences Library to their residences) found him concussed in a bush. Assuming he was an individual of the fiendish class, they considered calling the campus police, but that fell out when he threatened to put them on the med school naughty list.
The following night, the BSPP (???) students hid Santa in the tunnels beneath Centro. Enticed by offers of North Pole research positions, they bought him some food. Sadly, the Hamiltonian hellscape relinquished no milk and cookies, so they made do with radioactive green Jell-O, suspicious sushi and one container labelled “New Centro Feature: Cookie Dough”. Total: $600.
5 minutes after consuming the meals, Santa reportedly felt ill. He exited the tunnels, then collapsed onto a bench while clutching his stomach and screaming. Fearful of being implicated in his murder, the students accompanied him to the hospital. There his symptoms worsened, culminating in…
Rashes, a pounding headache, academic regret, respiratory distress, vomiting, erectile dysfunction, and existential dread (all tests except for one were conducted by the students). Despite doctors’ greatest efforts, Santa tragically passed away at 5:00 AM the next morning. The North Pole expressed minimal concern, citing, “We can always hire a new one”… but Santa’s mystery remains unsolved.
Frame one good hypothesis that addresses the key elements you have observed in the prompt, then justify your answer. (25 points)
Feedback:
Obfuscated. 8/25.
The Procrastinator 