February 14th marked the day Antonio Montoya’s love life took a hit. The quiet halls of MDCL turned upside down when Montoya, a second-year BHSc student, sprinted dramatically through the halls with tears and spit running down his face. Carmen Alvarez, his statistics tutorial partner was seen shoulder to shoulder with a Life Sci teaching her how to use R. Montoya sobbed, “Carmen Alvarez, how could you choose a Life Sci over me?!”
“It was in front of everyone!” Montoya choked out, “He showed her how to code with R and she smiled. I have never seen her smile!” Montoya was heartbroken as he watched that irritating Life Sci dude teach Carmen things he could never understand. “It’s not my fault I don’t understand the stats lectures,” he raged, “the chicken scratch on the professor’s iPad doesn’t make any sense!”
“I can’t take this anymore,” Montoya cried out as he ripped his shirt off running towards the doors. He was humiliated. As he dashed through the halls, you could hear his friends yelling “Montoya NO”, but it was too late. He was already running towards DBAC, ready to bench his depression away.
The Procrastinator 