A unique sight was spotted in the Health Sciences Library last night: a health sci actually studying! Daunted by the horrible torture of being subjected to an actual midterm, health scis flocked to cubicles in droves. Instead of performatively placing their 20 water bottles into their cubicle and doodling on their iPad while watching the latest season of Love is Blind, spectators were shocked to see health scis locked in on finding odds ratios. One such health sci was interviewed and commented, “they’re making the program hard! Forcing us to take midterms with long answer questions! The previous administration” would never have allowed this! For god’s sake one of the answers for the practice midterm looks ChatGPTed!”. Sentiments were shared throughout the cohort.
A group of students decided that the only way forward was to create the necessity for a curve. “The way we see it”, said a student part of this ghoulish cult, “is that if the average ends up lower than 85% de Saintly will have to give us a curve. It’s like, basic stats bro.” To proceed with their morally dubious plan, students began to gatekeep resources and shrug mindlessly when asked by peers about cumulative incidence.
In the end, the only people that walked into the exam hall with a sound mind were the iBiomeds, free of meddling busybodies who would do better in a soap opera than in an inquiry class.
The Procrastinator 