An unqualified man of no fixed address and allegedly under probation supervision has been clocked posing as a professor in McMaster’s Faculty of Health Sciences for the past three weeks. Students affirm that they “didn’t even notice” and one states that “honestly, I learned more from that npc than I have from my actual prof all semester”.
The Faculty of Health Sciences is taking this incident very seriously and are currently in the process of making necessary changes to the instructional team. “We are deeply outraged that such deception has occurred right under our noses. As we all know, deception is entirely antithetical to the sense of community we aim to build through our Inquiry program. As such, we will also be taking an anti-inquiry approach to addressing this atrocity.”
Granted, the individual has already received upwards of 200 positive (4 stars and above) reviews on the anonymous rating platform ratemyprofessors.com, leaving faculty members baffled. Many tenured faculty are reportedly turning to desperate and dire means of proving their own value as educators in the wake of this news. Many students have taken a stance advocating for the bestowment of an honorary degree to the man and induction into the faculty so that he may continue the work he has started. They argue that this incident was “basically a job probation”, and that “he ate that shit up”. For those interested, a rally will be held on the steps of Gillmoore Hall at 1pm today.
The Procrastinator 