8:00 AM – Wake up
8:01 AM – Straight back to sleep
11:17 AM – Meander over to whatever BIRD 3A03 you’re enrolled in this semester, extend the class time by 15 minutes by pretending to care passionately about the buzzword sweeping Western public health this week
1:30 PM – Clock into research position so coveted that the concept of a person of your ability being able to attain it marked the death of meritocracy in the eyes of your peers
4:30 PM – Return home, meal prep with a martial discipline entirely absent from your academic endeavours
5:03 PM – Soft launch a family emergency in the biochem teams chat to excuse being late to a standing meeting a known 5 minute walk from your residence
5:37 PM – Arrive at said meeting Tim’s combo in hand, explain to colleagues with near identical schedules that you had a super busy week and didn’t have time to do the slides but trust they’ll be done by EOD
5:40 PM – Suggest an interpretive dance for final presentation, making subtle threats regarding the group evaluation marks of all those who resist
5:45 PM – Openly doomscroll as the iBio running it like the army lays out a game plan for the tomorrow’s progress meeting (you’ll catch up on the details of this plan day of as they are setting up the projector)
6:00 PM – Performative hospital caf lock in, Envirobean vanilla iced latte for strength😋
7:13 PM – Nap time
10: 40 PM – Skim the abstract of a 2003 article released by a notorious predatory publisher, invest a solid 30 minutes of work
11:08 PM – Complete citations using EasyBib, insert into slideshow with reckless disregard for agreed upon style, knowing full and well you have Erin
11:09 PM – Med school gunner/AI study reels
11:54 PM – Settle down for 9 hours of beauty sleep (you are scheduled to present first thing at 8:30 the next morn)
The Procrastinator 