Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Dr. [BIG SHOT],
My name is [Y/N], and I am interested in working [or volunteering] [or %$&#@*^!] in your lab. I am a [$#&@%] major at [Omega University]. My knowledge of [Hot Singles In Your Area] runs deep and I have extensive skills in [Rizzing And Aurafarming]. I would LOVE to support you in your [BIG SHOT Alpha CEO] activities in [Insert BIG SHOT Pharma Company].
I have been eyeing your research on the new variant of 5-alpha reductase that produces [Alpha Male Dihydrotestosterone]. The possible [Applications/Implications] of this research for [Curing Male Pattern Baldness] and [Improving McMaster University’s Down Badness Ranking] have particularly aroused my interest.
I get tachycardia just thinking about learning from you and spending time with you in your lab. I’ve attached my [CV/Transcript/Tinder profile], and I look forward to hearing from you soon!
Sincerely,
Love,
[Y/N]
P.S. PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEAAASEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LET ME EXPLORE YOU[R LAB] OR I WILL [Hyperlink Blocked][Hyperlink Blocked]
The Procrastinator 