UGHHHHHHHHHHH FINDING A HOUSE CAN’T BE THIS HARD, I exclaim as I storm out of another failed date. THAT’S THE 10TH DATE THIS WEEK, AREN’T ANY OF THESE HOUSES REASONABLE????
First it was Emerson Holmes with his loud and obnoxious personality, not to mention his promiscuous tendencies as he’s in a full on renter’s agreement with half the university!!! But I put up with it all just for a chance to get that sweet housing, and I was soooooooo close until he dropped me to sign an agreement with some wealthy ibiomed who said she’d buy him anything he wants, last I heard he was touring Ikea with her.
Then it was the dashing Arkell Paisley, despite her pretentious sounding name there was something exciting and raw about being with her, we were about to make it official until she asked me for a $1200 deposit to start a band and run off.
That creep 69 Bay keeps begging me to choose him but I’m not gonna choose a man who can’t do anything right. All I want is a house that can cook me meals, a house that can hold me tight when the nights are cold, and a house that’s willing to read the Cari x Chairic fanfiction I make at a reasonable price. Is that so much to ask???
“No it’s definitely not” I hear from a deep yet unfamiliar voice, I look behind me and it’s Holly Kingsmount, the most desirable girl on campus. “I hear you’re looking for a house” she says, “and it just so happens I’m looking for a girl like you”. I gulp audibly…
The Procrastinator 