The BHSPOO has found that there was $900 unaccounted for from the BHSBBQ budget. This is highly concerning as we spend 60% of it on the formal, and another 25% bribing the cops to not arrest the drunk students for property damage they cause after it. Everything counts bc we REALLY need to pay our 1000 praxis TAs whoops!
Investigations show that the money was given to the RBCBSHCHS SYC for events. Meeting minutes have been uncovered from council archives to facilitate this investigation.
File 1: Humble beginnings
| BHSABCDEFG 2nd Year Council Meeting #1 Objective: We need an oligarchy. Students will have no voice, for the better. We shall go round-robin? round-pigeon? round-dolphin? whatever– and share our ideas. (in the style of inquiry peer tutors, names will be replaced by vegetables and fruits) Onion: Lounge revitalization Burn the past class banners in the lounge. Like, class of 2010? They’re probs dead. Bok choy: Promoting wellness Make Instagram story poll: Ask what is your preferred coping method? What’s your meal prep like? What psychostimulant do you use for stats lectures? |
File 2: A Communist revolution?
| HBSCPP 2nd Year Council Meeting #2 Objective: We’re pivoting to a different hierarchical organization to facilitate our group process this year. There are no committees, the means of production are owned by the proletariat, i mean-, uh, students. A schematic that illustrates our new organizational structure is shown in the box below: Event updates: Rutabaga & Einkorn Wheat: Valentine’s event Hire a gigolo Rent a bouncy castle? Hot dog and banana stand Radicchio and Garlic Scapes: Handling the opposition Trap dissenters in a windowless MDCL room next to the washroom and the sound of industrial-strength toilets flushing. wooosh! Feed them one Paramount chicken chunk a day. Broccolini: Forge a Schengen visa Open a bank account under the name Hayche Hiche eckSeeh Peighova Take our money to Amsterdam. Go through the Swiss alps, Romania, Albania, Yugoslavia, Transnistria, Narnia. Bury the cash at 43.260063, -79.918483. |
File 3: Normality?
| BSHPPEEbiochem Council Meeting #??? Objective: We need to finalize our comeback event + promo! Events should happen late at night to accommodate schedules. Events should happen deep in MDCL, away from other rooms as we may get #lit and noisy. Phase 1: Indoctrination Entice chronically online students with a Minecraft server. Install surveillance software. Phase 2: Brainwashing Encourage the use of council-friendly phrases, such as: “comeback of the CENTURY” “all hail the council” “anything the council does will make us happy!” Phase 3: The Harvest |
The Procrastinator 