Note: The Procrastinator does not actually condone kinkshaming (unless that’s the kind of stuff you’re into.)
No, you’re not alone – 99.9% of users labeled their match a miss after this year’s Venus Project. It has now been exposed that the Venus Project is not based on a “Nobel-Laureate” algorithm; rather, developers have been using the “eenie-meenie-miney-mo” algorithm. Although celebrated by second year BHSc students, the algorithm is heavily contested by most statisticians.
Additionally, a stolen laptop from the home of one of the developers confirmed users’ worst nightmares. A meeting minutes document titled “Freaks of BHSc” was leaked, and its contents listed the sensitive data of twelve BHSc students who disclosed their preferences in favour of “role-playing doctors in the bedroom.” The document leak was accompanied with Microsoft Team footage of the team snickering and remarking that “those BHSc kids are always the kinkiest.”
After the leak, we spoke to a student named Stache Nacho to get his perspective. Dejected after his Venus Project match had ghosted him right before Valentine’s Day, Nacho was ready to give up on matchmaking services. “I thought the Venus Project would be different; it’s named after a Roman goddess of love after all.”
No members of the Venus Project team could be reached for comment.
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The Procrastinator 